I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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