This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
