Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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