Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
