Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
