so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
