Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
