Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
