I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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