i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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