nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
