Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
