is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
