My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
