Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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