my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
