Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
