Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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