I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
It was confusing and full of hummus
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
