Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
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