I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
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