I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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