when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
