I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
