If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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