i don't plan on having that self control this summer
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
