i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
