my mouth tastes like poor choices
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
