What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
