Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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