I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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