Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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