Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He better not be in your backpack
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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