I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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