she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
