Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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