I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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