Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
