Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
