i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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