How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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