A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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