Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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