when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
