Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
