Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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