Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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