There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
