i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I AM VODKA MAN
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
