You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
