Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
