like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
