i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
