I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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