it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
