But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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